You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
