glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
