Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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