i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
