im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
