Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
