"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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