gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
