Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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