i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
