Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize