You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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