dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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