she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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