did you get engaged???
Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
