What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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