Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
