She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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