mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
