I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
