The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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