i think my mom watched the whole time
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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