he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
