just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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