She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
