Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
