he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
