Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
