that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
