I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
