we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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