Christians are straight up FREAKS
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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