then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
