I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
