I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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