next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
