I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
