There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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