I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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