Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
