Your dad touched me again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
