how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
