why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i believe in u and ur pee
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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