It's Friday. Sex?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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