They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
