Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
