i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
