There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
