If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
