I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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