Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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