It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize