Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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