normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
