He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
