Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
