just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
