I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
