He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
