WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
