Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
