just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
