I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
