We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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