SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
