he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
