I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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