Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
