He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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