if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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