Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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