Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
