Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
