i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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