I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do vagina's smell?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
