I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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