Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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