Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
