I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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