Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
