I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
